Wednesday, May 23, 2012


Bucket Calves.  They are everywhere.  I'm beginning to think the little buggers are like Gremlins and if you feed them after midnight, they multiple. 

Actually, two of them I'm sure are gremlins and into more mischief then 2 little calves contained inside a barn really should be into.

**Ill put a language disclaimer right here....sorry, they are called barn/pasture/cow words for a reason*

Please meet Dip Shit and Dumb Ass (aka the Gremlins).  They are about a month old and twins.  Well, not twins to each other but each is a twin.  Momma cows apparently are incapable to keeping track of 2 calves which doesn't surprise me since sometimes they cant keep track of one will not claim 2 calves, so when twins are born, we take one and bottle feed them till they are old enough for a bucket.  Hence, bucket calf.  These 2 little terrors were born 1 day apart so we have had them for the duration.  They are trouble.  TROUBLE.  They both want to suck from the same bucket, even if I have 2 there.  They want to run between your legs and knock you down, run under each other and knock each other around. 

DS on left, DA on the right

Now enter Stupid Fuckin' Idiot.

This little nightmare is older then Dip Shit and Dumbass.  I'm not sure how much but he is older, he is bigger and he is dumb as a box of rocks.  He is the example of what happens when your stupid and your momma doesn't care.  He cant figure out how to suck on the bottle, and he is alittle big so straddling him to hold his head up, while fending off Dip Shit and Dumbass, who always choose that time to run between my legs and under can only imagine.  No, unless you have wrangled 3 bucket calves you probably cant.
Yes, he is as bright as he looks.

Those terrors live on the East side of my barn. 
Lets go to the West side now.

Little Shit.  Its not really his or his momma's fault but she doesn't produce enough milk.  He is bottle fed now, but will be moving to a new momma the bucket soon.
He is just a little dude.  Getting stronger now that he is getting some food!

So, the plan is when you lose a calf (which happens during calving...don't get all sentimental, it usually happens alot) you take the bucket/bottle calf and move him to the momma that lost her calf.  They really don't care...little powder on them to remove the previous moms/human smell and they are dumb enough to think its their calf. 

That's the plan, but it doesn't always work out that way.  Enter, milk cows.  They produce enough milk to raise 2-3 good sized calves.  And we have two of them.....Dolly and Daisy.  Both of them also get bred so we have calves from them and have been waiting for them to calve out so we can move some of the gremlins outside and let them raise them. 
Dolly Momma
Daisy Mae

Impatiently waiting. 

Dolly finally calved yesterday..........TWINS!  AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!  Of COURSE the nurse cow who is supposed to take one of the stupid bucket calves off my hands would have twins.  Now go back up to the paragraph about Dip Shit and Dumbass and see what happens with twins. 
OMGSFHT #1 (#2 looks just like him but was hanging close to momma....keep reading and you will know why I dont have a photo of him)
Lets add that up Dip Shit and Dumbass, Stupid Fucking Idiot, Little Shit and OMFGSHT (oh my fuckin goodness she had twins).  Dolly and Daisy are here at the house now, so when Daisy calves Ill know right away and hopefully be able to use her as a nurse cow.  Unless she also has twins.  But that also means that Dolly and twins are here also. 

Now, the whole "mommas wont claim both" theory was put to the test this afternoon when Shawn left me a note and in trying to help ease the load of feeding the crew (since he is at cow camp branding overnight) said "turn OMFGSHT #2 out with Dolly and see if she will claim him."  Dolly is big, and has horns and while she is "gentle" she kinda looks crossed eyed at me and I don't think I'm her favorite person.  My plan which always works out for me is to open the door, the calf runs out and goes right to her (as opposed to her coming to the calf and ME).  Well, the calf ran out but not before he crashed into the door to the grain room then he crashed into the barn door causing himself to trip and fall out of the barn.  Apparently traumatized and he froze.  Bawling.  So here comes Dolly, right at me.....and stayed by me as I jumped over the fence.

Not my favorite cow. 

But as I climbed back over the fence, in the far corner, and ran like a little girl to the safety outside of the nursery corral, OMFGSHT #2 was sucking away.

I guess Dolly will claim two calves.   


  1. OK, I really really enjoyed this post. I know it isn't about running. But seriously, loved it. I love cows. I don't have any of my own, since I live in town. I do live in a farm town though. They are cute little cows! Even the dumb looking one!

  2. This was very informational! I have no knowledge of raising cows so thanks for sharing. Good luck with that mess. I hope it works out. FYI, I love the nicknames!

  3. Awesome post! I loved your wit in talking about what goes on at your farm. I always love saying hi to the baby cows on my bike rides but never imagined that they might have such funny names! Thanks for sharing!!!